All right! OK!
All right! Yes! OK!
Whoa!
I know you wanna party but I have to say thank you to a few people
after what has been a momentous week for this company.
Project Icarus has increased our productivity tenfold.
Every department is working at three times usual speed
due to the increased inter connectivity of our computer system.
Brilliant! Brilliant! OK!
How can I talk about all that computer stuff,
all of that computer gobbledegook,
without saying a word about...
the lawyers?
They cut the red tape. They cut the red tape. They cut the red tape. Come on! Yes!
You cut it. You cut it. You cut it. You cut it. You cut it.
That's enough.
And when you're talking about computers, how can you fail to mention...
Accounts?
Yes!
He's building up to us. He must be.
And finally, last but not least... Champagne?
These three people proved time and again
that they have the right stuff.
The toilet cleaners!
They said we couldn't do it.
They said outsourcing our toilet cleaning would be inefficient.
Dirk, Banhead and Doodles proved them wrong.
- Toilets! - That's right, Doodles.
- Where are you going? - They do this every time.
They never remember us.
But you did the work.
We did all the work.
So does this mean we're not going to the thank-you party?
Of course we're not going to the thank-you party. Why would we? We weren't thanked.
Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Have you tried sticking it up your arse?
Oh... Yeah. Yeah.
I just realised that was my mother.
Oh, and I was really looking forward to that, you know. Fancied a dance.
I'm glad the toilet guys got the nod, though. They do good work.
Have you been to the toilets on 12th? It's like going on holiday.
I try not to go at home now. I save it up.
Oh, Jesus! Will you please do something about that poster?
- What poster? - Bloody drawer!
That one, the one with the monkey. It's horrible.
The monkey? What's wrong with the monkey?
He's not horrible. He's lovely. He's a lovely little monkey.
What's he doing in goal?
Not that monkey. That monkey.
Oh, right. That is a bit frightening.
Anyway, I'd better fix this drawer. Moss, do you have the hammer?
You're not listening to me! I hate it when people don't listen to me!
- Whoa. Hey. - God. That was harsh.
- High-end screeching. - Like someone's killing a cat in here.
- Some kind of shouty cat. - Oh, God.
I'm so... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm just... I'm just a little bit... You know, you know.
What? What?
Well, I've got... you know, at the moment, so...
What?
I've got Aunt Irma visiting.
Oh.
Do you not like Aunt Irma? I've got... I've got an aunt like that.
It's my turn for...
my time of the month.
Oh.
- What time of the month? The weekend? - No.
- Does Aunt Irma visit on the weekend? - Moss...
- You know, it's high tide. - But we're not on the coast.
- Moss! - I'm closed for maintenance.
- Closed for maintenance? - Moss!
I've fallen to the communists.
Well, they do have some strong arguments.
Carrie, Moss. First scene in Carrie.
Oh... OK.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no.
Yeah. No, uh-uh.
Yeah. You know, I... People tell me I'm not great during this time,
so, uh, I thought I should warn you.
- Right. Not great in what way? - Just generally.
I'm not great to be around, so try not to get on my nerves.
Hey, I've had a few girlfriends. I'm not completely oblivious.
- You won't even know I'm here. - OK.
Oh, when this is working right the action on it is so great.
Look at that. So smooth.
Stop doing that!
Oh, my God! Sorry. Sorry, but you see what I mean. You have to be careful.
Yeah. I'll be careful.
- Has she gone yet? - Yeah. Um...
What was all that about? God. Dear me. Ladies. God bless 'em.
What would we do without them, with their ways,
their mysterious seasons,
the moon, Glenn Close,
Sheena Easton, all the different kinds of women?
Oh, smashing.
Oh, my appointment. I've got to go and see the psychiatrist.
I can't believe there's a psychiatrist in the building.
All because those two from Accounts just had enough of everything
and wanted to go to the seaside.
The seaside? They committed suicide, Roy.
That's right. Yes, of course. Why do you have to go and see her?
- Oh. Because I said Jen was dead that time. - Oh, yeah, yeah. That'll be it.
She said it was something only a severely disturbed person would do,
and that now I have to spend a lot of time in therapy.
- Isn't that great? - Oh, well, yes, that's clearly terrific.
No. No, that's bad. Why do you think that's great?
The psychiatrist is a very attractive lady.
- Ah, I see. She's of the female... - Genre? Yes.
A Dr Melfi to your Tony Soprano.
- She's a glamorous older woman. - Oh, the things you could learn from her.
Or from any woman.
Is Jen in her office? I need her to sign something.
Um, yeah. Um, Moss, Moss, don't get on her nerves.
How would I get on her nerves?
- Hello. - What do you want?!
Shouldn't I be on the couch?
No, Maurice, not today. I've got some good news.
- I think you've turned a corner. - I'm not going on the couch?
- You don't need me any more, Moss. - What?
There's obviously nothing wrong with you,
and I think you're ready now to do without our sessions.
But I've been feeling depressed.
Oh, really? Why?
- Because I'm pregnant. - What?
I mean, I... I had a dream that I was pregnant.
Well, there's nothing unusual about that.
But when I had the baby, I looked down and saw that it was my father.
- That's normal, Moss. - What? Really?
That was the maddest thing I could think of. My mother? What if it had two heads?
Moss, listen. I think you're fine, and there are other people here who need me more.
But I've been having dark thoughts.
- Dark thoughts? - Yes. Thoughts about dark things.
What sort of dark things?
Things that are dark.
- Like what? - Darkness.
Night.
Things of the night.
Dracula.
You haven't been thinking about self-harm?
Self-harm, yes. Harm.
Harm of the self.
- Suicide? - For starters, yes.
Moss, I do not think that you are suicidal.
What? Why not? I tell you, I'm at the end of my flipping tether.
Moss! It's not like you to use that sort of language.
- Flip off! - Moss!
For God's sake.
- Yes. - Roy!
I'm sorry, Roy. I may be speaking louder at the moment because I'm wearing ear plugs.
- Why are you wearing ear plugs? - That's right!
- What's this contraption? - Uh... oh... um...
I'm... I'm stealing food from this machine.
You know I do.
Oh, by the way, Roy, your work on Project Icarus was very good.
Well done. You did a great job. Thanks.
Yeah? I can't hear you.
What's wrong with you?
- Oh, my God. You're crying. - I'm not crying. You're crying.
What's wrong?
Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Will you stop getting at me? You're always getting at me.
I'm not getting at you. Stop shouting at me.
Why are these things always so hard to open?
Oh, my God!
Whoa. Calm down, everybody.
What on earth is going on?
I don't know. I feel weird. I've been swearing like a flipping docker.
Denholm thanked me for Project Icarus
and I started crying like an actress. What's going on?
- Maybe it's all this stuff that you both eat. - Oh, will you get off that?
No, honestly, it's true. Moss, what did you have for breakfast this morning?
- Smarties cereal. - Oh, my God.
I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal.
They don't. It's just Smarties in a bowl with milk.
Case closed. It's too much sugar. That's all.
No, no. Hold on, now. I basically live on sugar, and we've never had these problems before.
Well, the only other explanation is...
- No, no, it's silly. - What?
Well, I feel ridiculous even saying it,
but, um, where I worked before, it was me and a few other girls, Liz and Suzanne,
and whenever Aunt Irma was visiting me,
we all kind of...
synchronised.
- What's that got to do with us? - Well...
- You think... - Well, maybe.
- You're saying... - I know it sounds crazy.
Whoa! You don't think that Aunt Irma's visiting us?
- The symptoms, Roy. - I am a man! He's a man! We're men!
OK. OK. Tell me how you're feeling.
I feel delicate.
And, um, annoyed,
and, um...
I think I'm ugly.
That's her.
This is ridiculous. I've never heard anything so bizarre in my life.
Stop shouting at her! You're always shouting at her and it's not fair! It's not fair!
- You don't believe this theory, do you? - No.
No. It's nonsense, isn't it?
She's so silly. Sugar!
Yeah.
- What? - That's not what's causing it.
- You think it's Irma? - Yes. Don't you?
No! I'm a man! We're men!
Well, if it's true, it's the scientific breakthrough of the afternoon.
- It's not true. - Don't worry,
I wasn't about to look foolish by jumping to conclusions,
so I've sent an email out asking everyone's opinions.
Right. Well, that's a good idea.
No. Sorry. Could you run that past me again?
I've sent it to everyone in my address book. You should have one.
What?
"Do we have PMT?"
You sent this out? Oh, you signed it from both of us. You signed it from both of us!
Yes. Along with a list of symptoms.
"Headachy. Weight gain. Irritability. Anxiety."
- "Breast tenderness"! - I get that. Don't you?
Yes, but you cannot tell the entire IT community that we have PMT.
Oh, come on, no one would use that sort of information against us.
Oh, wait a second. They would, wouldn't they? Oh, no!
There's probably a whole website devoted to us already.
- Oh, I only posted it about an hour ago. - Google our names.
Oh, no!
- What are we gonna do? - I don't know.
Come on. It's my turn with the bottle.
God, sorry, Richmond. Sorry. I always forget you work here.
Yes. I wouldn't normally come out this far,
only, could you have a word with Moss and Roy?
Ever since they got famous they've been at each other's throats.
- They're famous? - Yes. Google their names.
Oh, my goodness. How many entries do they have?
Thousands. Moss's email's spreading like a virus.
You've unleashed a monster with that Aunt Irma business.
Yes, Richmond. Tell me, how come Aunt Irma isn't affecting you?
Of course it is. I've been feeling very gloomy all day.
Not my usual cheery self at all.
Yeah. I guess it's just difficult to tell underneath all that makeup.
I'm not wearing makeup.
Could you have a word? They're driving me out of my tiny little mind.
Guys, you're gonna have to... Oh, my goodness. What happened to your face?
We had an argument.
Have you seen this? What's happening?
The rioting has been going on all night
The men involved are young, angry,
and almost all of them work with computers.
This is insane. I mean, what's going on?
In Tokyo, two games designers went on the rampage in a shopping centre
and frightened a dog.
In Hamburg, a group of software developers shouted at a bus.
The situation is completely out of contr...
- And it's all because of Aunt Irma. - But how?
You shouldn't have sent out that email detailing the symptoms.
You know how suggestible and easily swayed IT people are.
- That's not true. - Yes, it is.
No, you're right. Of course it is. You shouldn't have sent that email, Moss.
- Don't blame me. - It's your fault!
Guys. Guys, come on. You're fighting. It's like you're in a trance.
You're right. We shouldn't be doing this. This isn't us. We never fight.
- We have to do something. - Yeah, whatever.
I'm going in.
Dammit, Roy, I never thought it would come to this.
Well, it has. She's the only one that's had direct contact with Irma.
If we can just calm her down, then...
we can hope and pray that everybody else calms down too.
You've got big balls, Roy.
Thanks.
You're very welcome.
Hiya.
I can never find a bloody pen in here!
- How's my soldier? - What do you want?
I just came in for a little chat. Wow!
- You are looking good today. - Oh. Thank you.
- So slim. - Yeah, I try and stay in shape, you know.
- Oh, and your hair looks great. - Yeah. New conditioner.
The action on this is great.
Oh. Hello.
Hello, Maurice. I have to tell you, I've a little confession to make.
As you may or may not know, for ethical reasons
I am required not to have any relations with any of my patients.
But for the last few months,
I've been developing some...
warm feelings towards you.
And the real reason I terminated your therapy
was so that I could explore
some of these feelings.
I see.
Uh, Jen.
I was just wondering.
When you were working in your old job with the girls, if things ever got on top of you,
what would you do to...
relax?
Well, we'd have a big girls' night out.
I'd love that, actually.
A big girlie night out. Fat chance of that round here.
Not necessarily.
Mum?
- This is my psychiatrist. - Oh, no, no.
I-I'm sorry. It's just that you... you look exactly like my mother.
Um... no, no, but that... Don't be offended by that. She's... she's a very sexy woman.
Um, not that... not that I would want to have sex with her.
Um...
I know that's what you psychiatrists think,
but, um, I swear to God that there's nothing to it in my case.
Um... you know, my mother wouldn't stand for any of that kind of nonsense.
I-I can just hear her now.
"What are you doing, Roy? What are you doing?"
You handled that well.
- That's the psychiatrist. - Yes. I, uh... I think she's my girlfriend now.
Whoa! No, Moss, listen to me. You can never see that woman again.
- She looks exactly like my mother. - Oh, stop it, you're exaggerating.
- She's the spit of her. - Oh, come on. What went on in there?
Right. OK. Um...
What would you say to a big girls' night out?
How big are the girls?
I can't believe I'd never seen Steel Magnolias.
Oh, my God, it's good, isn't it?
- I know what we can watch next. - Yeah!
- You really liked that film? - Yes. Didn't you?
No! It was heart-warming.
Well, I feel like a princess, Roy. And don't tell me you don't feel the same.
Well, my breast tenderness has gone.
No! What am I talking about? I'm a man. We're men! It's the worst night of my life.
Hiya.
OK.
Beaches or Dirty Dancing!
Oh, Beaches. No, Dirty Dancing. Oh, I can't decide.
Dear God! Dear God! I don't know which one to watch either! Oh!
- Do you know what we should do? - What?
Something else. Um...
Ooh, I know. Why don't we go to the thank-you party?
But I thought you didn't want to go.
Well, you know, everybody else is there, and they did nothing, and we did all the work.
- Yeah. Screw them. - Yeah. Screw them.
- OK. Come on. Let's go, girls. - Yeah!
- OK, but first ten minutes of Beaches. - Yeah.
Rattle those chains!
- Oh, wow. - Wow.
Oh, yes. I should just say I asked Dr Mendall to join us.
What?
Moss! Over here!
What's wrong with you?
Nothing. I just... I really need to get drunk.
Yeah, I'd like to get drunk.
- We should get drunk together, then. - OK, yeah.
We should get so drunk that we don't know what's going on.
All right.
And turn round,
four dead cyclists, all my fault.
- Brilliant. The same thing happened... - IT guys. Gangway.
♪ Everybody
♪ Crazy
Oh, dear.
Oh, my God. I didn't.
I didn't.
Good morning.
- I've made you a cup of tea. - Oh, thanks, Mum.
Mum? That's interesting.
Visiontext Subtitles: Margaret Burke